Answered prayer

There is proof (for all the doubters) that God answers prayer.
All the mushy-minded people who drank the (Al)Goretown Koolaid (like Jonestown) and prayed like mad (literally) that God would "cool the earth" are now having their prayers answered.

"The planet has a fever," is what Al Gore said to freak out half the world. Then the meaningless Nobel Committee gave him the big Peace Prize for that severely flawed movie, and another batch of followers climbed on board the Goretown Train as mindless zombies headed toward Panicville.
As the Goretown Koolaid Express careened down the track, the media sound-machine blared non-scientific reports about how we are all going to be cooked alive on a fiery hot, fevered planet. If we exhale even one more breath of carbon dioxide we are all DOOMED! Okay, everybody, stop breathing!

The frightened masses began to pray for God to cool the planet.
I can just picture God saying, "Calm down. The planet is fine."

The masses: "Oh, please, God, cool the planet! Cool the planet! Cool the planet! Cool the planet!"
God: "Okie-dokie."

Now what are the reports from weather-watchers? Yup. We are having a record cold. The past year (2008) has had below normal temperatures. All over the "fevered planet" people are freezing to death.

To me this means that either the scientists and Al Gore are wrong/lying about global warming, or it means that God heard all those prayers and cooled the planet.

How could so many scientists be wrong? Were they intentionally giving out false information because the only research being funded is research supporting the theory of global warming? Noooo, of course not. A scientist would never be concerned about money to pay off that new Escalade or that new home on St. John! How dare I even suggest such a thing? A scientist is never worried about funding!
And neither are the universities concerned with funding. The universities would never pressure their scientists to prove a false theory just to get more funding. Why would I even think such a thing?

Why did they ignore the reports of the ice caps increasing in mass? Why would they insist that the earth needed to be cooler?  Well, maybe it was because they wanted to make sure that the increased polar bear population would all have enough ice to roam around on.

Wait. INCREASED polar bear population???
Yes, it is true that the polar bear population is growing, but we shouldn't let facts get in the way of a popular theory! After all, the Nobel Committee gave Al Gore a prize for making a movie which was seen by millions of people all over the world. School teachers all over the USA hand out cups of Goretown Koolaid to millions of school children and require them to watch the movie. And millions of school children cried their little eyes out when the polar bear floated across the big screen on a chunk of ice. The poor polar bear was doomed! We are all doomed. Waaahhh! boo hoo! <-- and="" span="" tear-filled="" terrified="">
We have an emotional investment now and we must have that investment pay off.

Isn't there too much carbon dioxide in the air?
Well, actually,no. If there was, we would not be able to breathe. We and all the animals on earth would pass out and die.
And then the rich scientists would not be able to drive their SUV's and neither would Al Gore be able to fly his private jet to his numerous mansions, because they (and we) would all be dead, thus ending the pollution which is causing global warming. And then the planet would be back to normal in a matter of weeks.

Just in case you don't know how it works:
Animals, humans, and all other non-plant-life breathe in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. Plants, including those in the oceans, breathe in carbon dioxide and exhale oxygen. The plants (trees, grass, lettuce, moss, and such) need the carbon dioxide (which brilliant scientists say we need to stop producing). And we need the plants to have the carbon dioxide so they can make oxygen for us to breathe.
It is a beautiful system but the scientists think they can make it better. Don't swallow the Koolaid, honey.
You see, before the planet ever turned into a fireball, we would all be dead. (We can only be alive while we produce carbon dioxide for the plants to turn into oxygen for us to breathe.) And being dead, we could no longer pollute, so the planet would be back to normal in no time. Of course we wouldn't be here to see it.


But wait! What was that about record cold and people freezing to death??
Oh, I see the problem...Hmmmm.... Well, we can fix that with a NEW term:
Global Climate Change.
See how easy it was to fix that problem?
Yes, they have all begun saying "global climate change" to explain away the fact that the temperatures are NOT unusually warm and never have been. The key word being "unusually."

Do the scientists know that the earth goes through temperature fluctuations on a regular basis?
Oh, yes. But there is no money in that.
It is part of the natural balance of the earth, but who would pay to hear about that? Would the Nobel Committee award a prize to find out that everything is normal? Of course not.

Please don't try to stop producing carbon dioxide. Go ahead and breathe. That's right, it is good for you to breathe. Keep it up... I have a lot of trees on my property and I can't keep them alive by myself. I need for you to produce enough carbon dioxide to balance out all the oxygen my trees produce. Good work! That's right: exhaaaale, iiinhaaaale, exhaaale, iiinhaaale.
Thank you so much. Now do you think you could turn up your thermostat or take a drive in that gas-guzzler just for added measure? Invite Al Gore to speak at your school and that should do the trick. His private jet uses a lot of carbon credits! He is doing his part to keep trees alive, thank God. What a hero! Give him another prize!!

But really, if you are on the Goretown Koolaid Express, maybe you should hop off the next time it stops to pick up more robotic followers.

And please, do me a favor? Stop praying for the planet to cool.

To read more about the silliness, go here to see facts being twisted until they are not recognizable:
http://www.climatechange.gov.au/science/faq/question1.html

To see what happens to people who believe theories and drink the koolaid when told to do so, check these out:

http://vodpod.com/watch/80065-jim-jones-the-jonestown-tragedy
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/mass/jonestown/index_1.html